I have a guy friend, handsome, well educated, cultured–and single (from this point onwards we shall call him “gwapo”). He just turned 30 this year and told me that he’s been keen on finding “the one.” It’s about time.
The good friend that I am, met a young woman, 24, tall, with a friendly personality, and pretty, immediately thought of my gwapo friend. So I hooked them up, and similar to most relationships these days, they had their first conversation in facebook.
Months pass and they’d have their regular talks. I was to join gwapo at a common friend’s party, and so naturally, I asked for an update the moment we sat together. He told me that he was quite surprised that the girl was the one who was asking him out (classified under asking him out is “Kailan tayo lalabas?”) Gwapo tells me he got turned off because he found that move too aggressive for his taste.
I had to stop and think about this. I for one is under his definition of “aggressive” and when he said “aggressive is a turn-off”, I was offended. Nevertheless, I also felt that he had a valid point I can relate to: by all means I want to be courted, chased, and wooed in all forms of romantic (and appropriately respectable) methods. So I thought about it and wanted to dissect how I perceived the whole matter about liking someone and doing or not doing something about it, specifically making the first move.
First, let us define making the first move that is applicable here in the Philippines. Making the first move is when a woman blatantly, with no other hidden intentions, or mere use of body language, tells a man vocally (is much preferred, but possibly in written form, social media after all) that she likes him and would like to get to know him. It can also be an act of invitation to go out (i.e. “Labas tayo paminsan.” “Coffee tayo later.”).
As a woman, I can see three possible scenarios:
1. The guy likes me and I haven’t made a decision yet.
2. I like the guy and the guy likes me.
3. I like the guy, he doesn’t know/like me.
Scenario 1. The guy likes me, but I’m not sure yet whether I like him or not. Courtship plays a vital role here. Of course, I wouldn’t make the first move. I would want to be courted and find out whether the suitor is indeed suitable for me. Here the role of predator and prey comes to play, obviously, the predator is the man who by nature likes to chase his prey, the woman. Well and good. The outcome will still depend on whether the predator is a good enough hunter to catch the prey.
Scenario 2. This is the best case when I already like the guy and he likes me. If I were afforded this information, then logically speaking I need not tell him that I like him. He will chase after me, make the first move and everything else. All I have to do is give a good run, allow for a good chase, and eventually let myself be captured!
Scenario 3. This is the most unfair yet most common scenario of the three. A woman (number of the gender greatly outnumbering men and gay men) likes a guy and he has no idea, no assumption at all. For me, I would like to be able to say, “I like you,” and not be typecasted as malandi, mahalapirot or aggressive. “I just want you to know that I like you without you thinking I’m aggressive, utang na loob.” I don’t know whether you’re going to do anything about it or not (obviously I prefer that you do), but I’d like to be able to say and express it. It doesn’t mean that I will be the one to court you, I just want to be able to initiate it: I like you and that is my move. Let’s go out, maybe you’ll discover it’s pretty great being with me. Ganon. First move.
To all the guys I’ve liked before, would you like me to tag you in this post? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve done some pretty weird stuff that you might have found awkward and out of place because I liked you and I just couldn’t say I like you quite plainly.
Do you agree? Having the same dilemma? Is there a guy out there who wants the girl to make the first move? And if there is, are you nice, single, straight, and preferably Catholic? And may I have your number?
Life is short, I say, tell a guy* you like him if you do. 🙂