There is so much pressure AFTER getting well. It’s a great blessing and I accept it. But now I’m being asked, “What’s next?” And guys, I haven’t figured it all out yet. Although lupus is under control, it requires that I remain consistent on my healthful habits because bad habits can creep up like an empty chocolate bar wrapper beside my bed (happened/happens!)
So what am I going to do with my life now?
I haven’t figured it out yet!
I’ve been sick most of my adult life that my attention has been on getting better. But make no mistake, I have grown so much during these years of sickness because I did what I could do. I took a job that doesn’t pay much but allowed me to focus on my wellness, at the same time grow by continuously being exposed to so much learning. I sought out online classes all the time. I took classes on financial accounting, writing skills, people skills, and it has been an endless learning (from mistakes) for me in the last few years. My work with my boss exposed me to people and so much areas in his complicated life that until now I find that work challenging and fun to do.
But this is who I am: I feel like there is so much more in life in stored for me. I really do. At the end of each day, there’s always a question I ask myself and it bothers me A LOT! “What have I done today to serve my purpose?”
I get a dose of high (dopamine) when I accomplish tasks whether it is from work, learning, writing, working out or even domestic errands. The only time I feel like I deserve to chill is when I’ve done good work for myself and others.
BUT! I don’t always tap into that energy. I’m not always in my A-game. And that’s because I’m human and I’m working on it. And each day that I am able to refine my routine and serve my purpose is a step towards my ideal self.
So yes, I haven’t figured it all out. And I know a lot of you guys haven’t figured out your lives too. But we use what we have now, we start now, not later, but now.
Not knowing what to do next with my life is SCARY (and I bet I’m not alone)! But one step at a time I know I’ll figure it out and I know people will support me in the same way that I am now more capable of serving them.