Relationships | What I Learned From Skinny Love

A year ago, I met this really great guy from Tinder. I was so in love! I felt like every day was this wonderful blessing of being alive and getting to talk to this guy. And he’d send me songs and I’d go gaga over them. etc. etc. The works.

After 11 months of our pseudo-romance, I called it quits.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

WARNING: If you are my pseudo-ex, do not proceed. 

1. Being in a pseudo-relationship sucks.
I was very clear with my intentions: I chose him every day. But he was not clear on his intentions for me. We treated each other the way two people in a mature and mutually exclusive relationship do but we were NEVER OFFICIAL. I was always a secret, while he met my family.

“Bae,” which I honestly thought was a term of endearment were put inside quotation marks and turned out to be a joke.

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WTF? Ito talaga ang last message mo?
2. Dissonance.
I was with someone who said one thing but wasn’t consistent with his actions. To be fair, I was told that the relationship will not be able to move forward, and I should have ended it then, but lines got blurred after. What we experienced in the relationship was cognitive dissonance: what we thought, the words we spoke, and the actions we did were not congruent.

The best kind of relationship is the one expressed in words, supported by actions, and pregnant with meaning for both parties.

3. Tinder and long distance were not the problems (for me). Let me tell you something, falling in love with a guy you meet in Tinder is totally okay. There are a few great guys there amidst the sea of those who just want sex. And long distance relationships can be fulfilling too! They are, especially when you finally get to meet and it’s the best thing in the world like an answered prayer.

Tinder and LDR are problems but they can be overcome.
Not meeting eye-to-eye was the problem.

4. Always expect to be treated like a lady/princess/queen.
We are indeed in modern times, but I still expect a man to treat me in the most respectful way only. Nothing less. He did naman. 

5. Lastly, learn to move away from a relationship that brings you confusion.
For a time, I was in this great relationship where after the daily grind I find rest in the comfort and wisdom of my other (pseudo) half, we were very accepting of each others’ flaws and focused on growth. It was fulfilling.. up to the point where it stopped being that way.

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6. Unfollow/Unfriend your (pseudo) ex in all social media.
I do not want to see what he is up to in social media. In the same way, I don’t want him to see where I’ve been going and who I’ve been spending my time with. It’s courtesy so we can move on from each other easier. Every time we see each other, that wound opens up again. I’ve seen it countless times with my friends. Maybe in time, we can reconnect as friends but not in the near foreseeable future.

I chose him. He chose me, but with one foot inside the door and the other still outside. Thank you for the valuable lessons “being with you” taught me.

Love,
Joan

Author: Joandrea

Hallo! I'm Joan! I write to tell stories that inspire.