I see myself as someone who is open-minded, open to take in new ideas, eager to listen to a stranger’s story, ready to get to know different kinds of people without making an outright judgement. Thus it is easy for me to make friends. It’s easy for me to relate to other people, not because my beliefs bend easily, but because I can bend to see other perspectives.
“It’s an energy thing—may mismatch lang.”isay ROque
But Isay, my best friend, pointed out her observation that I’ve been hurting for a while because I’ve been sticking it out with someone who clearly do not align with my energy, or what others would call “wavelength”. In truth I’ve been aware of this internal struggle for almost two years, and I’ve told myself time and again, “enough”, yet kept on coming back, trying to find common ground and connections between us.
This internal struggle is the ongoing indecision of whether to continue to support or to leave said person; to decide whether to let go of the friendship or to hope that things will get better in the future. Unfortunately, my actions always betrayed what my intellect and emotions pleadingly appealed for me to do; stop, let go. I know myself to be a steadfast friend and it’s difficult to change my ways even if it were to my benefit.
A relationship needs two people doing the work to make it blossom. It’s like growing a plant, where each person shares the task of watering the plant, taking it out in the sunlight or bringing it indoors when typhoons come, taking out the weeds when they are present, and other such matters that help rear and grow the plant/relationship. In this particular relationship, I felt that I was doing most of the work and the other was reaping the majority of the fruits.
I met someone who was very much aligned with my values and beliefs. It was refreshing how easy it was to connect and bask in the joy of that connection. I dare say, it was love at first conversation. This isn’t to say that we did not have misunderstandings. Funny, because we had a quarrel in the week or so that ensued our introduction. However, everything was settled quickly because of our genuine desire to build a lasting friendship. This meant that egos were quickly withdrawn and an honest vulnerability sprung in the yearning to reconcile.
People glorify relationships that have been fought for. Struggles are glorified. However, relationships need not be so hard, so many walls need not be ascended to prove that a relationship will become a strong one.
Such is that wonderful gift of friendship and emotional support I’ve received recently. And from this, it became easier for me to loosen my desire to connect with those whose energies do not match with mine, albeit keeping an open heart should those energies someday align.